Having a random hookup so left but love u
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
