planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
