awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
