you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
