Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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