It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
