Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
