quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize