my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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