It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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