he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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