After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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