I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
