youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
