when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
