and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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