she woke up with a sticky ear
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How external is "for external use only"?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
