puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
