Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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