cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
