And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
