She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
