I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
