Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
