Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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