dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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