Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
