You made me cry and you don't even care
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
