and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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