That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
