Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
did i walk over a car last night?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
