I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your cock deserves a montage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
