yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
