Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize