my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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