i already hear my dad disowning me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
