Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
