Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
