So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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