went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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