I just cut my nipple shaving
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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