For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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