New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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