Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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