o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
