God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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