I didn't shave. On purpose
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
