I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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