she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
