Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
