We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
