it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
