his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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