how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
