I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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