he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
