Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
