Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize