Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
