she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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