Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
