the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
