She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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