Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
