Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
