my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
