; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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