Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
