First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
