Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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