By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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