i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
