There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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