I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
