Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
