So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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