420 ftw
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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