also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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